Q's Guide to the Continuum

Captain's log, Stardate Eleventy-leven eighty six point negative nine. Charted a blah blah blah with my blah blah crew today, collecting samples of blah blah blah...

Aren't you tired of surveying all the brave new worlds and startling new civilizations of the galaxy with the safe, polite, politically correct members of the Federation? After all, they only have fun when they break their own rules and leave a communicator behind on a planet of curious mimics, or travel through time to play with tribbles. Wouldn't you rather travel the stars with me?

Who am I? Spelled the same way front as back: Q! You've heard of me. All-seeing, all-knowing, dashing beyond comparison. The Q have been here since the dawn of time (and in some cases, a little before that, but that's another story), and we've seen it all. But I've put it all together in a form you can understand. The title? Q's Guide to the Continuum! (Well, what did you think I would call it? Picard's Incessant Droning About Stellar Gas Formations?)

Want to know what the longest-lived race in the galaxy is? It's here. Ever wonder who is the greatest mass murderer of all time? I know that, too. And are you dying to find out if a certain relative of mine ever played the harpsichord while dressed like a Victorian nobleman? Well, there are some things I won't tell you, but the rest will be revealed in Q's Guide to the Continuum! (Love that title, don't you?) Prepare to be enlightened!

Michael Jan Friedman and Robert Greenberger both have beards and occupy more or less the same place on the evolutionary scale, so it came as no surprise to anyone when they began to write about the Star TrekR universe together. True psychic friends, they enjoy an amazing ability to finish each other's sentences -- and meals. However, contrary to popular belief, Mike and Bob are two separate and distinct entities, each with his own unique back story. Mike spent his youth fighting the Cardassians as a member of the Bajoran resistance -- an experience he now recalls as "soul-wrenching yet strangely exhilarating." Bob, on the other hand, grew up in the Delta Quadrant, where he meddled in countless alien cultures on his leisurely yet tension-packed journey home. Talk about accumulation of your frequent flyer miles. When they became adults, both Mike and Bob got married and had exactly two kids. Okay, so maybe they are the same guy.

Neither Mike nor Bob knows how either of them came to write this book. Mike (or is it Bob?) suspects that they themselves may actually be members of the Q Continuum, exiled for excessive kindness to humanity and forced to write Q's Guide to the Continuum as penance for their crimes. Of course, that's just a theory.