Say What You Mean ― A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

How to speak and listen more effectively--to communicate mindfully and improve all relationships--based on the author's unique synthesis of mindfulness practice combined with the principles of nonviolent communication.

Communication is hard. Here's a proven method that makes it not only considerably easier, but also much more effective for people on both sides of the conversation. Oren Sofer's method for effective communication is a unique combination of mindfulness with the modality called nonviolent communication (NVC), a method popular since the 1960s that is based on the belief that all human beings have the capacity for compassion and resort to violence or behavior that harms others only when they don't recognize more effective strategies for meeting needs. NVC provides those peaceful strategies. Oren's unique method for fostering peaceful--and effective--communication has three "steps" or components: (1) presence: bringing mindful awareness to the interaction, (2) intention: clarifying and setting a goal for the interaction, and (3) attention: learning to really hear and understand in a way that enables you to navigate the difficulties, express yourself clearly, and listen like it really matters--which it most certainly does. The steps are accompanied by many practical exercises, and in the course of this three-part training, readers will learn how to apply these skills to personal and social relationships with romantic partners, friends, colleagues, and family.

OREN JAY SOFER leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication around the United States, particularly in Insight Meditation venues, including Spirit Rock, Insight Meditation Society, and Barre Center for Buddhist Studies, but also in educational settings, particularly in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is a teacher and practitioner of Insight Meditation, nonviolent communication (NVC), and somatics. He spent two years as an anagarika in the Thai forest tradition. He is a Somatic Experiencing practitioner, a collaborative trainer with Bay Nonviolent Communication, and a graduate of the IMS-Spirit Rock Teacher Training Program. Oren is also a member of Senior Program staff for Mindful Schools, one of the world leaders in mindful education.