Mr. Nary

Using newfound inspiration, camping gear salesman Grady Thoms is attempting to write a novel. He has a plot. He has a strong protagonist. Unfortunately, he has no clue. Bill Williams, a publisher who was unwittingly targeted by Grady, begins to find his attempts at prose amusing. (page 63) To: Bill Williams From: Grady Thoms Subject: Similes for Mr Nary Bill, as I continue on in my book, I realize the need for even more rich imagery. Yesterday I dedicated six hours creating similes in case I come to another spot in my book where I need to spice things up. If a simile occasion arises, I can go through the roster and insert the one that fits best. Here are a few. "His arms and shoulders itched, like when you try on a sweater at a thrift store." "They stumbled upon some bad luck, like when two beautiful people make an ugly baby." "He started to cough and gag the way a kid does when he eats insulation thinking it was cotton candy." "Chuck Nary's fighting skills were as ferocious as a lioness, but not quite as ferocious as a male lion because, come on, let's be realistic here." "Her body was round, luminescent white, and had yet to be explored by man, much like the moon in 1968." "He was confused, like when your grandma's kisses taste like buttermilk but she's supposed to be lactose intolerant." These are pretty good at making the reader feel the emotions of the characters. I won't be using all of these, of course, but it's good to know I have a whole arsenal ready for almost any metaphor-needing occurrence. Thanks, Grady To: Bill Williams, Publisher From: Grady Thoms, Author Subject: Back Cover Bill, I am responding to your request that I write something for the back cover of this book. What should I say? Should I warn aspiring authors that writing a novel is not as easy as it sounds-that you can lose control of your protagonist, causing you to burn the novel in a public display at a family BBQ? Should I mention that the writing process made me lose my dignity and my girlfriend/hairstylist? People don't think about these things when they begin working on a piece of foreign thriller fiction. Maybe I should mention the creative differences I had with you and Mair- such as your refusal to help me write a tasteful nude scene, or saying you thought adding a montage to my book was a "bad idea." Or worse yet, when I lost control of the hero, Chuck Nary, to booze and rage, you thought it was "funny." Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate your help. I just wished things would have turned out differently. I guess what I want to convey to people is that this book is two stories-the one of Mr. Nary searching for a missing couple in Bolivia, and the story of my struggles to complete the novel. I'm just not sure how to go about explaining all this. Oh, and you said you wanted me to secure endorsements. I came up with one: "Writing is a lifelong dream I've always had since six months ago."

Roo Carmichael writes spec and commercial work for a variety of platforms. Among Roo's additional writing credits are many engaging remarks in the comments sections of YouTube videos. His parents, Bill and Nancie Carmichael, are authors and publishers, and Mr. Nary began as a prank to annoy his father who had just published his first work of fiction, The Missionary (Moody Publishers, 2009). Roo and his wife, Michelle, currently live in Southern California with their son.