How to Survive Your Childhood Now That Youe an Adult ─ A Path to Authenticity and Awakening
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Every adult wants to live a version of what he or she imagines is “the good life.” However, our versions of “the good life” are not only culturally contingent but typically also intense amalgams of reactions to the approval and disapproval that we received as children. Many people have default voices in their heads that tell them that whatever they do is not “good enough.” This treadmill manifests as phrases such as “I’ll be happy if/when... (insert here: home, job, relationship, salary, vacation, automobile, or accomplishment).” The origin of these voices is the wounded child inside of us continually seeking the acceptance and approval of primary caregivers (parents, teachers, siblings) who withheld love, loved us CONDITIONALLY, or treated us in ways that we did not understand.
Children create “false selves” — facades, personas — in order to obtain the acceptance, approval and love they crave; however, any acceptance, approval and “love” that we receive as adults based on our facades — not on our inner and usually somewhat messy authentic selves - is ultimately unsatisfying. Many people have become so identified with their facades that they no longer know who they are other than what it says on their business cards, resumes, Facebook or LinkedIn profiles, Instagram and Twitter accounts, or in Google searches of them. Some younger people even judge or score their lives on a daily basis by the the quantity of social media followers they have.
We grew up in a highly competitive (scientific, capitalistic, religious) scarcity-based society that provided us with tools to gain love CONDITIONALLY — because we are talented, good-looking, go to good schools, get good grades, write well, speak well, earn boatloads of money, take vacations in the most exclusive places. One of the wonderful things about mindfulness is that people learn to observe their thoughts without identifying with them. And once we take the first steps on the path to awakening, we often notice that many of the characteristics we developed in order to get our emotional and psychological needs met as children are now hindering us from getting the authentic love we desire as adults.
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