The All-or-Nothing Marriage ─ How the Best Marriages Work

The structure of modern successful marriages is revealed in this inspiring and useful new perspective on the most important relationship a human being can have.

The institution of marriage in America is struggling. But as Eli Finkel's most recent research reveals, the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. Still, the quality of the average marriage is in decline. This book reverse engineers the best marriages—from the "traditional" to the utterly nontraditional—showing how any marriage can be better.

Why do some celebrity marriages work and others don't? Finkel provides insight into the lives of household names such as Elizabeth Gilbert and Neil Strauss, as well as one marriage that delivered three Olympic gold medals in 2016. Finkel digs deeper with a sweeping historic overview showing that the primary function of marriage from 1776 to 1850 was food, shelter, and protection from violence. From 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. Nowadays, marriage is all about self-discovery, self-esteem, and personal growth. (Will your spouse give you that?) Ultimately, this much-needed book delivers practical advice for immediate action as well as long-term strategies: seven "love hacks" that take little time or reflection; four categories of how to channel greater levels of effort; and three ways of recalibrating the marriage so expectations match reality—and happiness can flourish.

ELI J. FINKEL is a professor of psychology and of management and organizations at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University and the director of the Relationships and Motivation Lab. He has published more than one hundred scholarly papers and has won the most prestigious early career awards in both social psychology and relationship science. He is among the youngest scholars ever to serve as an associate editor of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the top journal in his field, where he is also a widely published author.