Learn It, Be It, Lead It: : A Gay Man's Journey from Boyhood to Behind Bars... and Beyond

Learn It, Be It, Lead It

Learn it, be it, lead it. These six simple words can be seen plastered across billboards along the highway of my life, from Muncie to Florida, Kentucky to Las Vegas and everywhere in between and beyond.

I've been in plenty of situations along the road where I've learned what not to do, what to do, how to do it and what not to say to avoid getting into more trouble. So I've been there, done that, experienced it. Now it's my turn to lead it and that's how this book came to be.

As of this writing, I'm 45-years old. One of the things I've learned is that I forget things if I don't get them down on paper, and yet what you're about to read brought back memories, both good and bad, people I've long forgotten, and secrets that I've kept hidden and buried so deep they might surprise you. On occasion, they've even surprised my husband, Mike.

"You've never told me that!" He'll exclaim, and we've been together sixteen years!

As with any life lesson, you have to learn the hard lessons for yourself before you can be an example to others. You have to soak up new experiences like a sponge, and if you can't learn from them then obviously all you're doing is talking a bunch of bullshit.

Once you've absorbed those life lessons, next you've got to be it. You have to lead by example and show people the integrity that comes with experience. Something else I've always told myself is, "I'm never going to ask you to do something I'm not going to do." What do I mean by that? If I'm not going to scrub a toilet, I sure as hell am not going to ask you to scrub a toilet or paint a wall or get underneath a sink to fix something if I'm not also willing to do so myself. That kind of leadership is something I've always practiced in my dealings with other people. I'm not going to ask you to do anything unless I'm willing to do it myself.

Once you've accomplished the first two, learning the hard lessons, then embodying the lessons you've learned, you get to teach them to others. But if you haven't learned your lesson, then you're not going to be able to teach it because all you're going to do is screw up someone else's life. That's definitely not what I'm trying to do here. Instead, I'm telling this story so that you might learn from my mistakes and successes, too. The rest is ultimately up to you. If I can help someone else out, then that's just another reason why this book came into being.