Keepin' It Real: My 50-Plus Year Journey Of Self-Acceptance

"I lived in some vague place in between, allured by soft and gentle femininity, but stuck in a boy's body with a boy's desires."

"Unlike my cousins, Bill didn't take advantage of my innocence and meekness."

"I never found out how it happened... the accident left me comatose with multiple skull fractures."

"In my mind, a crowd of spectators watched and judged everything I did...I could barely contain my rage."

"From a look or a tone of voice, I began to imagine that everyone scrutinized my behavioral and spiritual shortcomings."

"Maybe her plan for me all along hadn't been to make me enlightened, but to make me happy."

Like so many people, I've spent way too much money on things to make me happy: cars, boats, computers, hobbies, education, domestic and world travel, donations to churches and causes, and embarrassing sums of money on pursuing The Relationship.

Now in my 50's, I'm back where I started with nothing to show for it. I'm single and living with my dad. I have no partner, no nest egg, and my last job was bagging groceries. As the American Dream goes, my life has been a big waste, an utter failure. But I wouldn't change a thing.

In a nutshell, this is my journey through emotional and sexual abuse, sailing adventures, traumatic brain injury (TBI), life as a social retard, asexuality, co-dependency, depression and bipolar disorder, my spiritual quest, years living in India, and finally, acceptance of myself and (dare I say it) happiness.